|
"what kind of paradise am i looking for? i've got everything i want and still i want more. maybe some kind of shiny key will wash up on the shore." -ani d.
7:48 p.m. @ 2008-07-06
i have hurt my arm...from playing volleyball...at an annual family picnic. seriously, i am ancient...and grossly out of shape. i am going to be working on getting healthier and stronger...not to be unrealistic...i actually know i am not ancient or grossly out of shape...i just know i need to be healthier. make it a priority. not just my body...but my heart and mind. there was a girl there who was just beautiful...really truly striking. to look at her, you would think she had darn near everything. then, to listen more closely, you realize she is painfully insecure. it is so strange. i think sometimes people think they are beautiful and that alone will get them what they want...and at some point, it doesn't. they lose something that means a lot to them...and then suddenly, they have to face the reality that maybe their looks won't give them everything. then, i think there are people that never see the beauty they possess...never think they are quite good enough...worthy... then there's everything in between...i fall somewhere in the spectrum I suppose...i just know i don't want to waste anymore time...energy...spirit...heart on not loving myself. it is not something i want to allow anymore...the space it takes up in my heart is space where love and joy cannot be. so how do i do that? who knows. one step at a time i suppose. trying to make good choices. stop listening to the cruel voices in my head...as much...then at all...hopefully. i will keep you posted...
|